Home Alone: “You Guys Give Up, or Are You Thirsty for More?”
In case you wonder why you suddenly can’t hear him, Jason had to abandon his own podcast (McCallister style) mid-episode. He doesn’t give two figs about you listeners. Luckily, Cece and Darth plugged along just fine without him. Jason’s disappearance may actually be a mercy in this case, because he starts the episode by having a stroke on the sound board. Just consider it an upgrade, #Hindsighters, because who WOULDN’T trade in #OldManJason for two beautiful ladies?
According to Cece, Home
Alone is the ultimate comfort movie, whether you’re having a bad day, or
simply being tried for murder. Either way, no amount of stress warrants
banishing your 8-year-old to an unfinished attic, whether or not said attic has
lighting.
On that note, #Hindsighters, Home Alone
teaches us that when you do get locked in the attic for the night and subsequently
wish your family out of existence, your anti-Wet Bandit game had
better be strong when that wish comes true.
This isn’t to say that Darth and Jason don’t root for the Wet
Bandits (who are cartoonishly impervious to pain) when they watch Home
Alone. Your favorite podcasters realize and love the fact that a large
portion of their fan base is compiled of badass criminals and their pet kangaroos.
#Australia
Speaking of criminals, let’s all take a Christmas moment to
empathize with Macaulay
Culkin. The guy could use a break. His parents sucked, Michael Jackson “never” molested him,
and Joe Pesci bit
the poor kid’s finger so hard that he left a scar. To top it all, his fictional
mother abandoned her bebe
at Christmas! Your podcasters are honestly convinced that Buzz took better care
of his spider than the McCallisters took care of Kevin. What the hell, Hollywoo?!?!?
On a different note altogether, #Hindsighters, while it is normally
Jason boring your darling Darth Jader with conspiracy
theories, Darth has to wonder if Mrs. McCallister purposely abandoned her
child at Christmas in order for him to recognize his self-sufficiency. Think
about it. That little
kid does laundry better than most grown-ass men.
This possibility and Kevin’s insane skills at home security
make your favorite podcasters yearn for a remake of Home
Alone where Kevin is an integral team member to the Hans Gruber gang; John
McClane won’t stand a chance. THERE’S YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
#Hindsigthers, Darth and Jason are thoroughly enjoying
ruining some of your childhood favorites this holiday season. So stock up on
tarantulas, paint cans, and red-hot branding irons, because this Christmas
party is just getting started.