Batman & Robin (1997)

Batman & Robin: “What Killed the Dinosaurs? THE ICE AGE!”

…and what derailed the Batman franchise for nearly a decade? This movie!

Darth and Jason host a record amount of virtual guests as they discuss a Joel Schumacher dumpster inferno of the 90s, back when Arnold Schwarzenegger commanded higher billing than George Clooney and a scantily-clad Uma Thurman drove a Yoko Ono-sized wedge between the Dynamic Duo.

Poison Ivy might be a super villainess, but her costume still doesn’t have pockets. Darth and Jason suppose she must not need them since she has Bane to carry her purse. Batman certainly doesn’t seem to carry a wallet, but you really don’t need to when you have a utility belt and super roomy codpiece.

As it turns out, falling into below-freezing water will give you epic shrinkage, yet make loyalty to your wife your new super power, just not in real life (sorry not sorry Arnold).

Not much makes sense in this movie, especially the “science”. It appears that Super Soldier Serum has wildly different effects on each individual person; after all, the serum turned Steve Rogers into Captain America and turned Bane into El Santo.

Nonetheless, your favorite podcasters have to give credit to Mr. Freeze; he takes the “in sickness and in health” part of his vows rather seriously. When your wife contracts MacGregor’s Syndrome, you gotta put that bitch into a medically-induced coma! Bitches LOVE medically-induced comas!

It’s debatable whether Batman is the good guy in this film. At least Mr. Freeze had the courtesy to put his wife into a coma; Bruce just lets Alfred waste away Woodhouse style in his fancy mansion. Darth and Jason can only assume that he blew his monthly budget on freeze rays and giant telescopes. Mr. Freeze might be a villain, but he’s still a better boss than Joe Exotic. Sure, he feeds his employees crappy frozen dinners instead of spider webs, but he doesn’t seduce them with meth and tigers. Darth and Jason feel that Freeze’s worst crime was his abuse of ice puns.

The argument could be made that when you realize mankind is slowly destroying the Earth and her greenery, it’s time to start cross-breeding plants with snakes, because LOGIC.

Lastly, let Darth and Jason know if you guys want to see “Old Adam” shower in the cowl. That’s some Patreon content, but only if your pockets and self-loathing are deep enough. Do as we say and not as we do. Stay tuned, stay safe, and stay safe.

Darth Jader
Darth Jader is a Pirate Queen. She is the co-hostess of the “Hindsight is Horrifying” podcast. She is also “funny, insightful, and sarcastic,” according to her boyfriend, who is currently under duress. You can take the Oxford Comma from her when you pry it from her cold, dead, and lifeless hands. She also speaks Spanish, unlike Ron Burgundy.