Home Alone – Podcast 0144

Home Alone: “You Guys Give Up, or Are You Thirsty for More?”

In case you wonder why you suddenly can’t hear him, Jason had to abandon his own podcast (McCallister style) mid-episode. He doesn’t give two figs about you listeners. Luckily, Cece and Darth plugged along just fine without him. Jason’s disappearance may actually be a mercy in this case, because he starts the episode by having a stroke on the sound board. Just consider it an upgrade, #Hindsighters, because who WOULDN’T trade in #OldManJason for two beautiful ladies?

According to Cece, Home Alone is the ultimate comfort movie, whether you’re having a bad day, or simply being tried for murder. Either way, no amount of stress warrants banishing your 8-year-old to an unfinished attic, whether or not said attic has lighting.

On that note, #Hindsighters, Home Alone teaches us that when you do get locked in the attic for the night and subsequently wish your family out of existence, your anti-Wet Bandit game had better be strong when that wish comes true.

This isn’t to say that Darth and Jason don’t root for the Wet Bandits (who are cartoonishly impervious to pain) when they watch Home Alone. Your favorite podcasters realize and love the fact that a large portion of their fan base is compiled of badass criminals and their pet kangaroos. #Australia

Speaking of criminals, let’s all take a Christmas moment to empathize with Macaulay Culkin. The guy could use a break. His parents sucked, Michael Jackson “never” molested him, and Joe Pesci bit the poor kid’s finger so hard that he left a scar. To top it all, his fictional mother abandoned her bebe at Christmas! Your podcasters are honestly convinced that Buzz took better care of his spider than the McCallisters took care of Kevin. What the hell, Hollywoo?!?!?

On a different note altogether, #Hindsighters, while it is normally Jason boring your darling Darth Jader with conspiracy theories, Darth has to wonder if Mrs. McCallister purposely abandoned her child at Christmas in order for him to recognize his self-sufficiency. Think about it. That little kid does laundry better than most grown-ass men.

This possibility and Kevin’s insane skills at home security make your favorite podcasters yearn for a remake of Home Alone where Kevin is an integral team member to the Hans Gruber gang; John McClane won’t stand a chance. THERE’S YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE.

#Hindsigthers, Darth and Jason are thoroughly enjoying ruining some of your childhood favorites this holiday season. So stock up on tarantulas, paint cans, and red-hot branding irons, because this Christmas party is just getting started.

Darth Jader
Darth Jader is a Pirate Queen. She is the co-hostess of the “Hindsight is Horrifying” podcast. She is also “funny, insightful, and sarcastic,” according to her boyfriend, who is currently under duress. You can take the Oxford Comma from her when you pry it from her cold, dead, and lifeless hands. She also speaks Spanish, unlike Ron Burgundy.