Die Hard: “F****** California…”
Yippee-ki-yay, melon farmers! This week, Darth learned that Die Hard is based on a Roderick Thorpe novel; she also learned that Jason and Adam Brown do a good deal of their podcast research in the bathroom.
Darth would give all the bearer bonds in the world to unlearn this information.
Adam Brown joins Darth and Jason as they continue to celebrate the month of Christmas! In this 80s classic, we join the heroic John McClane as he faces down a murderous potions master and a (nearly) indestructible ballerina. John displays great creative and artistic ability when he decorates a terrorist’s sweater for Christmas before cutting his feet on a ridiculous amount of glass.
Die Hard forces your favorite podcasters to ask: What is it with Christmas movies and ear damage?!? If you don’t suffer partial/permanent hearing loss from loud blanks, then a pharmacist is slapping your ears bloody. Regardless, Christmas movies seem to feature an unusual amount of ear abuse. You may be claiming that Die Hard is not, in fact, a Christmas movie, but it is and you’re wrong.
Regardless of your feelings about Die Hard’s Yuletide qualities, your favorite podcasters care about your safety, #Hindsighters, so remember this helpful tip: When you find yourself in a dangerous hostage situation, be sure to bump some cocaine from your shoulder pad stash before negotiating with your German kidnapper.
That’s not the only lesson to take from this Christmas classic. Upon viewing Die Hard for roughly the billionth time, Darth and Jason determined:
- The F word has the most exquisite mouth feel of all swears
- Karl is the Jesus of Die Hard
- Anyone who hasn’t seen Die Hard is a communist…or a small child. Either way, they need to get their shit together
The final takeaway is that Darth Jader would NEVER leave Bruce Willis for a fancy job or a younger man, but she would absolutely walk barefoot through broken glass to have lunch with Alan Rickman. ‘Cause she’ll work hard…or die trying, girl.