Billy Madison: God Save us from Adam Sandler

Billy Madison – Podcast 0112

Have you ever felt like the puppy who lost his way? Welcome to Billy Madison.

*Disclaimer: There is NO PROVEN CORRELATION between Adam Sandler movies and cancer*

Get excited for Nudey Magazine Day! In this 1995 classic, we discover that we would have learned so much more in high school if only Chris Farley had been our strip-tease tutor. (Odd how Chris Farley keeps popping up on this show.) Darth and Jason also demand the IMMEDIATE reinstatement of Dodgeball and Red Rover in schools.

Quick question: If a clown falls off a pair of stilts in the middle of a party…does he make a sound? More importantly, does anyone even notice until the song number?

After re-watching Billy Madison, Darth is left wondering if her own first grade teacher used to seize to sitar music while slathering herself with glue. But it’s not a totally bewildering loss, because Jason teaches Darth the invaluable lesson that, if you want to bag you a man, bring him some Snack Pack or Popeyes chicken. Just don’t chase an imaginary penguin around your father’s estate or act like Juanita. Men don’t care for that.

Billy Madison may be bad, but it's better than a lot of other Adam Sandler films.

You’ll be excited to learn that we’ll be selling tickets to the Pete Sampras vs. Jason Mitchell/John McEnroe dodgeball fight. Samuel L. Jackson is scheduled to appear. The penguin told us to do this. We WILL NOT, however, be challenging the roller derby chicks because they would beat our asses. Rather, they and all UFC fighters are welcome to attend the dodgeball fight for free, regardless of the state of their ears.  

That isn’t to say that Darth is scared of anyone, for her grandma dressed her to defeat the wind.

 In case you needed some random information, we’ve got it here:

  1. Jason thinks that ducks look like penises. In case you were wondering.
  2. Snuffleupagus is NOT a Heffalump; stop being racist.
  3. Slap Bracelets are essentially vintage bondage equipment.

Also, Darth can’t actually prove that her dad is alive since his social media is utterly defunct. But Morgan Rodgers is greater than the Infinity Stones. And keep in mind that Darth is anosmic…a girl has no god. So SUCK IT, Thanos.

For those listeners of ours dealing with stress and life in general, just put on some slapdash lipstick, cross someone off your “To Kill List”, and chill out Steve Buscemi style. If you made Steve’s list in the first place, maybe you’ll get to go out like a man with this glorious message on your tombstone: Shot in the ass by Steve Buscemi.

Darth Jader
Darth Jader is a Pirate Queen. She is the co-hostess of the “Hindsight is Horrifying” podcast. She is also “funny, insightful, and sarcastic,” according to her boyfriend, who is currently under duress. You can take the Oxford Comma from her when you pry it from her cold, dead, and lifeless hands. She also speaks Spanish, unlike Ron Burgundy.